Week 5 - Adolescence

Adolescence is an interesting topic to explore.  As we read in chapter 8, we ask when does it officially start?  Is it our physical developments?  Is it when we begin to think for ourselves or form our own opinions which may be separate from our parents or grandparents?  Does it have do with influences of our peers, family, teachers or other adults?  Does where we see ourselves in society influence our view of adolescence?  Do we mark adolescence when we become of aware of sexual desires or behaviors?  There are many factors to take into consideration when viewing this time period.

The concept of Adolescent Egocentrism was an interesting read.  Elkind termed it as a "an adolescents' tendency to exaggerate the importance, uniqueness and severity of their social and emotional experiences."  (pg. 192)  I saw this during my six years of coaching high school girls' track and field.  When I was coaching, I was in my mid to late twenties and forgot how large my emotions could get regarding grades, classes, friends and my family.  The practice would be productive if the girls didn't have any issues of significance.  There was a time that it seemed each one of my jumpers had experienced a traumatic event within their social circle.  I could tell they were not focused on practice and thinking of other things.  Rather than push an actual jumping practice and pick up bad habits, I decided we would sit and stretch and talk to each other.  We all shared something, even me, that was on our mind that day and that we felt comfortable sharing with the group.  By the end, we were laughing and discussing the latest episode of "Dawson's Creek."  I told the girls I was always there to listen and I can relate to the enormity of our feelings.  I think that helped them gain some perspective.  I acknowledged their thoughts or feelings of the moment but also relayed to them I had the same thoughts at that age and even as an "adult."  I think it helped because as that season and future seasons progressed, I had athletes approach me when they needed someone to listen.  

Social development at the adolescent age is interesting because we tend to categorize ourselves and others into groups like the chapter referenced on pg. 196.  It made me think of "The Breakfast Club" where it ends with the identification of each of the main characters as how the adult, Mr. Vernon, will always see them.  They are in certain terms "...a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, a princess, and a criminal..." (Breakfast Club, 1985).  When I was in high school, we had those labels and for my high school son those labels still exist.  The cliques still exist and depending on the clique can be just a cruel to another clique or individual.  As a parent, I try to help my son understand that you can't label people because we may possess certain characteristics but only show certain ones to our peers.  Also I remind him if he doesn't want to be labeled, he should not label others peers as well.   The other aspect of social development that is much more prevalent with today's youth is sexual identity.  The youth today are more exposed to the openness of "coming out" with their sexual orientation.  When I was in high school, it was a big deal if you even thought someone was a homosexual.  I didn't know a friend's orientation until I was in college where my son has several different peers and friends that are "out."  He encourages his friends to be themselves and is their friend no matter the situation.  His father and I are proud of him for standing up with his friends and we suspect we taught him something to be that person.  It is hard to stand up for anyone at any age but I feel in high school that can be daunting to do.  

As the chapter notes, we as adults need to be open to reflective listening and do our best not to be judgmental or dismissive of the adolescents thoughts and choices.  It is important to provide a balance between guiding and mentoring but providing structure and discipline.  The rule of thumb in our house is, "I am not your friend but your parent."  I will always love my sons but that doesn't mean I will always support their choices and will challenge them when appropriate or discipline as needed.