Week 7 - Old Age, Death & Dying
This week we read Chapter 12 regarding old age, death and dying. As we come to the end of this class, Life Span Psychology, I realize that I have been able to relate at each life stage. I was surprised to learn about the four different classifications of death and what the legal community identifies as death. There are four different definitions of death: Clinical, Brain, Biological/Cellular and Social. (LifeSmart, pg. 281-282)
My family has experienced death over the past several years. Our immediate family had to put down two dogs that my husband and I got shortly after we were married. My husband's grandfather and mother had passed away where each was dealing with various health issues. My grandfather had passed away where he had his own health issues.
As an immediate family, we had to put down each of our dogs. Our older dog, Boone, started having spine issues where she was stiff and couldn't move without pain. Our other dog, Crockett, stayed with us another year were he lost muscle control in his legs and couldn't get up to walk. At this time, we had our two sons and having to explain death, even relating to our family dogs, was difficult. Boone was hard on our oldest son who was 10 years old at the time. He didn't understand why this was happening and why we had to take Boone to the vet. He knew Boone was breathing but she wasn't alert or eating. It was hard for him. Our second dog, Crockett, the process was a bit easier on the boys since we had experienced death with Boone. They understood he wasn't eating or alert and he couldn't move his own body. Both of our dogs were 13 years old and lived long healthy lives. We just had to explain that dogs do not live as long as humans do and we had them read the poem, "The Rainbow Bridge" to help them since we have our faith in God and heaven.
Carl, my husband's grandfather, was 87 years old and suffering with kidney issues. He was on dialysis for many years preceding his death. His organs began to shut down and he was moved to home hospice where he passed away peacefully. My husband was there in the room getting him comfortable when he noticed a last breath and then quiet. Since we live in Illinois, my husband was thankful to be there in that moment. They waited for the coroner to confirm his death. This as the first death our family experienced since the birth of our sons. Our oldest son took everything in and asked some questions. He was very mature about the whole thing. When they closed the casket, he wouldn't leave the room. My husband asked him to leave but our son said he had to make sure they took care of great grandpa. Our youngest, who was four at the time, kept asking when great-grandpa was going to wake up. He wanted to talk to him. It was hard for my husband and I since we were grieving for Carl but also trying to be there for our sons and answer their questions. We all observed how different grieving is for different people while some cried, some did not and some laughed at their memories. We saw various emotions all of which are valid.
My husband's mother was only 63 years old when she passed away. While we love her and will miss her, she was an example of how not taking care of yourself can lead to an early death. She suffered from adult onset diabetes but she was not consistent in managing her sugar levels. As such, the diabetes caused further complications with her circulation, heart, kidneys and nerve endings. Each complication caused further damage to the eventual point where she was on home hospice and kept comfortable. For my husband and I our grieving was sadness over the loss but anger that she didn't heed doctors' advice and treatments and that she will never see her grand kids grow up. She loved her grand kids "a bushel and a peck" as she used to say. My sons adored her and were lucky enough to know and remember her. At the time of her death, she had an almost 2 year old granddaughter and a new born grandson. They will never remember her but we have our stories and pictures.
My grandfather's death was 84 years old when he passed away. He passed away in the hospital resulting from congestive heart failure. My grandfather was a life long diabetic who managed his diet and doctor advice. He could be stubborn with his health too. He was moderately active and he was overweight. He was a fortunate diabetic that he didn't have many of the complications my mother-in-law had over the years. He was blessed to see his grand kids get married and have children of their own. He loved his family despite his harsh demeanor. This was hard for me as he took care of me and my sister while my parents worked during the day. I was very close to him and he taught me a lot. I still get emotional thinking of him and even while I write this blog. I think too he was instrumental in helping my husband and I learn about our oldest son's mental health issues. It was our oldest son's breakdown resulting from the death's of each great grandfather and our oldest dog. It was too much in 9 months for him to handle. We ended up getting professional help and in the process working through our grief.
In essence my family experienced death in may different ways and each handled the grief differently. My husband and I also learned through our parents the administrative fallout of death. The funeral planning process, the insurance and financial aspects and such. It took abut a year for each family member to have paperwork resolved. Now that is all behind us but we reflect fondly on our past family members and know they will always live on in the values, beliefs and memories they have left us.
- Clinical Death is defined as no respiration and no heartbeat
- Brain Death is defined when the brain is deprived of oxygen for a short period of time. This can typically be 8 to 10 minutes.
- Biological or Cellular Death happens when there is no electrical charge that can be detected with in the heart and lung tissue.
- Social Death is when the person is treated as if they were dead even though the individual could be biologically or clinically alive.
- Legal Death is noted by a qualified person that a patient should be considered dead under the law.
My family has experienced death over the past several years. Our immediate family had to put down two dogs that my husband and I got shortly after we were married. My husband's grandfather and mother had passed away where each was dealing with various health issues. My grandfather had passed away where he had his own health issues.
As an immediate family, we had to put down each of our dogs. Our older dog, Boone, started having spine issues where she was stiff and couldn't move without pain. Our other dog, Crockett, stayed with us another year were he lost muscle control in his legs and couldn't get up to walk. At this time, we had our two sons and having to explain death, even relating to our family dogs, was difficult. Boone was hard on our oldest son who was 10 years old at the time. He didn't understand why this was happening and why we had to take Boone to the vet. He knew Boone was breathing but she wasn't alert or eating. It was hard for him. Our second dog, Crockett, the process was a bit easier on the boys since we had experienced death with Boone. They understood he wasn't eating or alert and he couldn't move his own body. Both of our dogs were 13 years old and lived long healthy lives. We just had to explain that dogs do not live as long as humans do and we had them read the poem, "The Rainbow Bridge" to help them since we have our faith in God and heaven.
Carl, my husband's grandfather, was 87 years old and suffering with kidney issues. He was on dialysis for many years preceding his death. His organs began to shut down and he was moved to home hospice where he passed away peacefully. My husband was there in the room getting him comfortable when he noticed a last breath and then quiet. Since we live in Illinois, my husband was thankful to be there in that moment. They waited for the coroner to confirm his death. This as the first death our family experienced since the birth of our sons. Our oldest son took everything in and asked some questions. He was very mature about the whole thing. When they closed the casket, he wouldn't leave the room. My husband asked him to leave but our son said he had to make sure they took care of great grandpa. Our youngest, who was four at the time, kept asking when great-grandpa was going to wake up. He wanted to talk to him. It was hard for my husband and I since we were grieving for Carl but also trying to be there for our sons and answer their questions. We all observed how different grieving is for different people while some cried, some did not and some laughed at their memories. We saw various emotions all of which are valid.
My husband's mother was only 63 years old when she passed away. While we love her and will miss her, she was an example of how not taking care of yourself can lead to an early death. She suffered from adult onset diabetes but she was not consistent in managing her sugar levels. As such, the diabetes caused further complications with her circulation, heart, kidneys and nerve endings. Each complication caused further damage to the eventual point where she was on home hospice and kept comfortable. For my husband and I our grieving was sadness over the loss but anger that she didn't heed doctors' advice and treatments and that she will never see her grand kids grow up. She loved her grand kids "a bushel and a peck" as she used to say. My sons adored her and were lucky enough to know and remember her. At the time of her death, she had an almost 2 year old granddaughter and a new born grandson. They will never remember her but we have our stories and pictures.
My grandfather's death was 84 years old when he passed away. He passed away in the hospital resulting from congestive heart failure. My grandfather was a life long diabetic who managed his diet and doctor advice. He could be stubborn with his health too. He was moderately active and he was overweight. He was a fortunate diabetic that he didn't have many of the complications my mother-in-law had over the years. He was blessed to see his grand kids get married and have children of their own. He loved his family despite his harsh demeanor. This was hard for me as he took care of me and my sister while my parents worked during the day. I was very close to him and he taught me a lot. I still get emotional thinking of him and even while I write this blog. I think too he was instrumental in helping my husband and I learn about our oldest son's mental health issues. It was our oldest son's breakdown resulting from the death's of each great grandfather and our oldest dog. It was too much in 9 months for him to handle. We ended up getting professional help and in the process working through our grief.
In essence my family experienced death in may different ways and each handled the grief differently. My husband and I also learned through our parents the administrative fallout of death. The funeral planning process, the insurance and financial aspects and such. It took abut a year for each family member to have paperwork resolved. Now that is all behind us but we reflect fondly on our past family members and know they will always live on in the values, beliefs and memories they have left us.
Hi Cindy, as loosing a loved one is very challenging and difficult to bare. How do you feel about Becki's YouTube video and the last days of our loved ones and loved ones who have gone on coming back to create a smooth transition. Do you believe that loved ones came back for you in laws and grandfather? Did you have any moments where your loved ones talked about angels or a beautiful light? If, so, were you provided with comfort in knowing that there is some divine and peaceful place waiting for them?
ReplyDeleteThis might sound weird, but thank you for sharing your stories. I wrote about the loss of my grandfather in my video analysis, and although I am better now than I was then, I still found myself getting choked up when writing about it and thinking about his final moments and our final moments together. I appreciate the honesty. I hope your son is doing better coping. That is a lot of burden for a child of any age to handle.
ReplyDelete